Free Woman

So What If I Had Dated Three Guys Before, I Am Yet To Find My Perfect Match!

This story is not a story but an experience, this is not something that shatters an image but something that uplifts! Society is right, but we are not wrong either! This is about a woman who is 28, independent, bubbly, honest and lovingly funny, it is not a story penned down for fun or just something out of passion but to tell you women out there – You are beautiful being you, you don’t need any explanations to prove yourself to the society but to know it yourself, this is real and is happening, if you are not comfortable, you shouldn’t chose it! Here’s a real life written by me, words are mine but the spirit isn’t, it’s her, Sakhi (Name Changed)!
“Growing up in a family where I am always taught about the happiness and how exactly I could attain it, I never faced any issues feeling the same. Happiness not through hurting someone, not by winning something of my interest with force but happiness that comes from my dreams, my jokes that makes people laugh, my mischievousness that makes my loved ones smile and miss me when I am not around, that comes from doing things I love. And if these happiness remained temporary with me and the same I couldn’t attain, is it my fault?

Just like every other girl I too liked a guy, we were in love actually! I met him through one of my friend and things got escalated pretty soon every time we met, chatted or talked over phone. I was with him as a partner in sad and happy moments for seven years and of course in crime, as I said I love harassing people. Mind you, they never hate me for doing that, instead they miss me. Hmm, LOVE! Who says love is the only thing required to build a relationship and run it on the right track? Saying I love you is wow, making love is wonderful, hanging out and chatting for over the nights is also amazing, but ghar kaise chalega? Kuch kaam karoge toh na! I left him, Yes I did! Why?


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We had planned our future, he would go work, I would go for work and things would be easy. But it didn’t go that way, He never worked at all, lived on his dad’s earned government ki kamai! I was ok with that but then this happened. Jai – “Mai next month Saint Louisiana ja raha hu, only for you… so that you believe I work and so that your father would agree for our marriage.”
I was excited, on the ninth cloud thinking wow, it is happening, he has began thinking seriously. No father would ever give his daughter to a boy who do not work and isn’t readily available for marriage. In pure excitement he even asked me to marry him, which we did but court marriage. Crazy I was, I stayed at my friend’s house and got it done, wore Mangalsutra, Bindi and sindoor with sheer happiness. There was no relative to see me, it was just me and my friend and the happiness, and many dreams to build. Little did I knew that it would come on me with all its force!

One day I realised he never went to states, he lied so that me and my father should be convinced that he works, he choose to remain as he was and said the marriage wasn’t the complete marriage!! I had never attended any court marriage nor had read about it, I trusted him and he just made us take Phere’s in a local temple and got the photographs clicked. When I asked about the witnesses to sign, he said he would take care of it only to know I was cheated!

It was hard, very hard for me to forget those seven years but thanks to my sister aboard who helped me overcome it in States. For months there in US, I learnt how life should be enjoyed – work, earn, spend, eat and live them off with family. As I was 27 at that time, I was forced to see guys – pretty much understood it was, I didn’t deny much and began chatting with this guy from Mumbai whose profile was parents proof! Yeah both our family knew, that we are virtually friends now, video chatting etc. It’s four months and we kind of like each other too much, may be more than that! I couldn’t imagine a day without talking to him, it was wonderful how our parents met each other and this guy from Mumbai in India only to know that our horoscope do not match!! What if your personality, thinking or dreams match, F* to everything if there’s a dirty dance of planetary stars! Yes? We were told that we cannot have kids because we have some Nadi Dosh, I respect these two words and the elders who put us to this situation but what I didn’t like is the guy’s attitude! Here it is:

“Hi, so what now? This Kundli ka drama.. What shall we do now?”
“What else can we do?”
“I think we should give it a try, so what if Kundli says… I love kids, I want to be a mother but I don’t believe it if we love each other so much, it should be a problem.”
“See, I have earlier met with such planetary incidents, and I am the only son.. How can I..”
“We can adopt kids, if there is a problem.”
“Sorry, I cannot go against my mother. This is over.”

Yes it is! It was hard, very difficult for me to lose a guy who was gentleman yet prone to such superstitions, I liked him but I had no other options and forget him. For few months I remained aloof from these to-be husband findings as it really got me uprooted from the belief of marriage. But then I created my profile on online match sites, and there I met a guy who is a Mechanical engineer. Full of life, fun and dreams to live but was 150kgs, It’s ok I am 80! He is not rich, do not have his own house, is still earning them all and have a sister to look after, she has Autism but I like him and his energetic talks about living the dreams. Though my father quite didn’t like the idea of taking the responsibility of his sister since day one and having less income, but that aren’t reasons to deny!
We met, our parents met and we spoke about tentative dates for engagement but within few days I experienced weird things from supposed to be my mother-in-law: “I am fat, I shouldn’t dance in my ceremony!” “Do we have our house or not.” “I should reduce.” “Court marriage is the only option, as we don’t believe in God, we believe in malik and meditation only.” “Kaise sanskaar diye hain tumhare maa-baap ne!” etc.

When I updated all these to the guy, he said, “ Uski maaki….” “Vo aisi hi hai… etc.” which I quite didn’t like – the way he spoke to his mother. A man who cannot treat his mother a better way, how well he would treat me? His mom’s next encounter on me when I showed my disinterest. “35 saalo mein jo maine nahi kiya vo tumne kar diya..” “tumne mere bete ko hurt kiya..” “But mai kuch bolungi nahi, malik ko fave karna hai..” and all”

I showed the third guy in my life, a way to the door! Do you think I had any other option? So, summing up – I had dated a guy for 7 years, had more than love thing with another and began walking tiny steps towards a serious relation with the third one but I couldn’t find happiness anywhere? Should I listen to the society that I am 28, dated three guys and still so stubborn not to accept any? Should I give a damn if they call me nakchadi, without even realising what really happened? NO! I don’t think so! I am glad that I have parents, my sister and my best friends along, they never made me felt I was wrong! Why should you compromise for things which no one should ever get adjusted to? I am not saying life won’t throw me tantrums where I would find curves and bends, but I can’t choose the path wherein I know there is a slough! I will bend, take a curve and make it straight only when I have my partner beside me in every bad and happy moments.

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So, Here I am single and happy and yet to find my life partner, my happiness!

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