I am basically born and brought up in Rajasthan Ajmer. Right from my childhood I was asked to be polite, timid and reserved. Though I was a very outgoing person by nature, I still had to suppress my feelings. I am a master’s student and belong to a middle class Muslim background. My family has always wanted me to concentrate on my studies and score good. Right from my childhood I was raised in discipline. Soon after my school’s results I had to shift to Gujarat for my further studies. I had dreams and with all the restrictions my parents had sent me to a different place for me to explore the world.
The moment I entered the class I found 70% of the class was occupied with boys. I was very uncomfortable. I had no experience of talking to guys, so I almost ignore everyone initially. I never made friends in my class room as I was always asked to be alone or either with girls. The only goal was to get good grades and leave the place.
But not to forget that I was also a very outgoing person, even I wanted to make few new friends. Days went, and I had a wonderful group of girls who were my classmates and hostel mates as well. But this day I would never forget, I was bluffed and taken to a private Birthday party by my friend as her boyfriend had insisted her. She lied to me and the warden as well, saying that she is taking me to her relatives place since she was unwell.
This night was nothing less than horror to me. In the party I did not know anyone. Everyone dressed well. Girls wearing shorts and guys were well dressed as well. There was good food and good music along with weed and liquor.
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I was the only one who was wearing a decent kurti and leggings. They all started addressing me as some aunty. I felt very awkward. But soon, I started to feel uncomfortable and started to fight with my friend. She then convinced me that this will remain secret and she would assure that I was safe. Soon my friend asked me to try few clothes that she got. In my life I did not wear a polka dots short frock with lace. No doubt I always wanted to try. So I went and changed. With new clothes and had a nice hairdo, everyone started to notice me in a different way.
The guys were like “Ve Yeh Dost Toh Teri Maal Hai“! Others were , like you look sexy, few praised me in a decent manner. This was something I really enjoyed. For an instance I forgot everything. My purpose to come to this place, where I belonged to and everything. I was just enjoying the moment. As I had a nice time and now was comfortable to talk to boys I started to attend those parties on regular basis.
With time I started to lie to my parents, started to booze and even drink. This was the time I got a reality check. Soon the guys in the party started to get close to me. They did not have any feelings for me. They just wanted to have a one night stand with me. This scene happened couple of times but I was taking it on a light note. One fine night, in the party I was drunk and as I was not dating any guy. I slept with the girls and everyone thought that I was a lesbian.
The news of me being a lesbian was spread like fire. This fake news was spread by one of the person who tried to touch me in the party and wanted to sleep with me. The reason for the rumor was that I denied to him and made him clear that I was a different person. Just because I was drunk in the party did not mean that I wanted to have sex.
No doubt that attending parties and occasionally boozing and smoking was something I had started liking but I would not cross my limits. With all the morals and values that my family has given, I would not take part in such act that too without my own consent. I am a lady of substance I will marry or date someone whom my parents like and even if I like someone I would not get indulged in hitting the bed straight. It’s my life and I would like to live with full dignity. Love marriage or arrange marriage or for that matter dating is far behind. I just wish to enjoy my life with limits and with whom I am comfortable.
It is not a compulsion to date while you are in your college. Also the girl who has never had a boyfriend and do not wish to be in relation does not mean that she is a Lesbian. Few are just different in the way they are.