Indian Marriage decision - Bhakti Patel

Society Is Upset As I Found My Mr. Right Not From My Community, Should I Care?

I am getting married within few months to the love of my life, I am happy that I will live my entire life with the person whom I want to be with. However, I am sad as well. Not just because I will have to stay a bit away from my parents but I am deeply hurt that not everyone from my family would come to bless me on this auspicious day of my life, to be a part of my happiness and give their much needed experienced advises filled with concern and love.

The reason is not any family drama, nor a property dispute or any over a decade fight that may have pulled someone’s self-esteem but just one reason, I CHOSE MY MARRYING PARTNER! Yes, It’s a love marriage and I found my Mr.Right from different community from that of mine. And according to them I am not right, to love the person I marry before marriage but expect to forcefully love the person they choose for me. Keep aside money, family background, education, business, first tell us what community he belongs to? Because one marries a caste not the person, not the family and has to die one day in the assurance that the community should be happy with their marriage, hell with the couple’s happiness!!

Soon when my parents realized that I am in love, they did try to convince me not to marry the guy I found, but I was one stubborn in love. My siblings were already in love with my choice and sooner my parents also agreed that I wouldn’t regret my choice, instead their daughter have found an unique match. What now? My family is ready, let’s get married! No, it’s not just 6 people including the bride who would welcome the baraat, but an entire family! Who doesn’t want to be in a society? Everyone needs a family to share their part of happy and sad moments, but my family thinks we don’t need them, a self-decision taken!

Now, just see the background of my family:

My sister’s husband who assures his friend (again from same community) “If you want to marry the girl you like from that SUB-CASTE, let me know will try to convince her family and if she is not ready, then plan B.”

I have a sister-in-law who was Punjabi and still got married to my kin (A pakka Gujarati), they are happy. Sons from our community can marry women from other caste if they are not getting any eligible women but daughters…. Oh ooh ohh… stay away!  Shortly, Men can choose and women cannot! Why? Just WHY was my question! And the answer is, “Women from other caste would come to our family so will make sure they are happy, what about you? You are walking out, we should be assured that the opposite family do not harass you. You are our daughter!”

So… all other castes are inhuman, uncivilized and we are the ones who are from heaven? Won’t you cross check the family I got you introduced, and if found good will you agree happily? And the answer is “Apne mein kya kam ladke hai jo dusri jaat ka pasand kiya.”

My parents, siblings and I personally gave verbal invitation that, “book your tickets for my wedding, please do come.” And all they say is “Hmm… Will see, if there’s nothing important, will come.” They stopped their normal conversation with us, they discontinued personal visits to our home and leave no chance of taunting my parents. This is just and just because I chose my Mr. Right, not from my community!

But who cares, I don’t want to take such decisions based on their likes and dislikes. They will realize one day, happiness is bigger than their Community restrictions, Love is greater than their low thoughts in modern world. I am happy if they attend my wedding, I will welcome them warm hearted, but if they do not for this silly reason I do not have time to entertain such thoughts anywhere near my wedding location. And if your parents are happy, don’t care what society and your kins think about your choice, it’s you after all who is getting married, and it’s you who need to live a new life so the decision power goes with you and not them. Go get your white dress or a Chooda with red-golden Lehanga!

Dear ladies, if you have found a guy for yourself go tell your parents, do not run away but also do not be upset if some hypocrites in your family do not turn up. Afterall, “Jab miya biwi razi.. To kya karega kazi.?”

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