Born and brought up in the cultural city of Vadodara, it was like a dream to get married to the love of my life, despite the little struggles. My husband was a party animal and he loved taking me along to all his booze parties. As a loving and caring wife, I would tell him to drink less and each time his friends would come and drop him till our bed room. I would constantly make him understand about his responsibilities, his health and that he was now father to our young daughter. But sadly, he just turn a deaf ear to all my concerns.
One day something unusual happened. It gave me chills.
On the 15th January Uttrayan 2016 evening 9.30 p.m, I received a call from one of his friends. He was Dead. He was drunk and dancing with his friends and did not even realize that the anxiety would lead to a severe heart attack.
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Since it was a prominent festival, my house itself was filled with relatives. This news came like a shock to us. I was simply not ready to take in the news that I had lost my husband, who used to love us unconditionally. My daughter was most affected & she just got cold for a while.
The environment of festival became the place of mourning. And this was not even the beginning of my widowhood. Parents are said to be the pillars of strength for their kids but I was lost and broken like never before. My daughter was most close to her daddy but she lost her confidence in everything.
It’s been more than two months and today I feel helpless and cannot sleep properly. I feel incomplete and the worst part are the memories which haunt me like anything. My daughter is the actual sufferer I guess. Because now is the age for her to get settled and since she is the only child and pampered by all, does not wish to get married in her future. Even the case is vice-verse. I want my daughter to be with me all the time. Without her, home for me is just a piece of blocks. There are so many sentiments that I am facing but I cannot express. And the saddest part is I am a patient of depression. My daughter cannot concentrate on her career and neither she is ready to start a new life. We now, do not go out for family dinners neither do we watch TV. Life is painful for me.
As I am a widow, people have started seeing me as a rogue. I don’t believe we live in the 21st century. There was a wedding of my close relative but she did not invite me just because I am now a WIDOW. I am already so much cursed by the fate, what harm will I make to their family? I simply do not get the point.
I am gaining strength to live each day. With all the stress after my husband has gone, I cannot force my darling daughter to keep me for the rest of her life. We are well settled and are financially rich. The big house haunts me to the core. All I wish is to just pass this phase and motivate myself towards a better living. It’s my time to act really brave and even motivate my daughter to concentrate on her life which has not even yet started.
I pray to god everyday for strength to fight the emptiness within my heart. And I am sure I will overcome it in the near future.
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