Mother's Day

I Am 33 And I Am Still Scared Of My Mother!!

Life is beautiful and serene! I look out of my office window and feel myself accomplished at the age of 33. I live the life I had only envisioned as a child who loved writing about her dreams in her diary and drawing doodles around it. Today, I am a successful 3D modeler in a renowned graphics and animation company, who has made her hobby her work! But only I know the itchy details of how I landed up at this place!! No one, I mean no one really knows about my wild streak, no one but my mother! And this Mother’s day, I want to pour my heart out and let you know Maa how thankful I am to you!! And how you still scare the shit out of me!! 😛

It was during my 9th grade that I shared about my dream of making cartoons and animations when I grew up, with my mother. As usual, she asked me a series of never-ending questions, may be to judge my feeble dedication towards my dream. And she said nothing after hearing me out. Life went on and I was now in my 11th grade and my outlook towards life a little changed, a little wild.

I was a typical Teenager, Wild in every way! A big group of friends, late night hang outs and weekend parties and a boyfriend who encouraged me to enjoy life the way I wanted it to be. I never realized when I started doping and drinking with my friends. For me, I was living my life at its best until my 11th grade results came. I had FAILED!

Dad lashed out on me while mom just waited patiently for dad to finish. He went away to his study, leaving me and mom alone in the big room. I swear, I could feel the whirlwind forming in the room.  She stared at me with angry eyes, while my eyes had already started tearing up. And finally she spoke. Mom said that she now sees me dead in the next 3 years if I continued to live the way I did, probably due to an overdose or an accident. She was calm, while I was shaking like a leaf, trembling at each and every word she spoke. She asked me if I wanted that from my life. I had no answer to her! Not once did she shout at me, but her threats were real and I could feel her anger through them. She made a promise to me that night to make my life much more miserable than I could imagine if I failed to follow her for the next 2 months.

And then started my punishments or you could say my rehab at home. She signed me up with her gym classes every morning making me sweat like a pig. I was handed a glass of different coloured herbal juice each morning that tasted like venom! She started taking me to art classes in the evening and finally a long walk after diner every night. And the best part about my routine was, she was a fixture in each of them. She became my shadow, one I couldn’t control and couldn’t get rid of. The first week was hell and I wanted to go back to my old ways, hang out with my friends. But I was scared of mom! Scared of what she would do if she found me with my friends. Perhaps her hockey stick would be out of her closet and bumped on my head or she would probably take me and admit me into a psychiatric ward in a mental asylum. I didn’t want to encourage her even once. And so I followed her like she asked me to. 2 months later, I was back on track with my studies, feeling healthier and stronger than ever before. The art classes helped me remember my dream and become better in my work. My mind was sharper and clearer about my dreams. I studied hard and I got good grades in my 12th exams, a small step towards my dream. If not for my fierce mother, I would have become a drunk junkie or a drug addict with my life hazy as my drunk visions.

Thank you Mom for being strong and taking the lead in my life when I didn’t trust myself. Thank You for trusting my dreams and making sure that I achieved them and become the person I had once envisioned and written in my diary. And yes Maa, I am still shit scared of you and your nasty ways to bring me back to track if I ever take the wrong path again.

A very Happy Mother’s day to you and every single mom in the world!!

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