I don’t know where to begin my story from. I am battling depression and I’m a wreck. I don’t think my life can be back on track anymore and I have no hopes left. Like it is said in our Bollywood movies, your head bows in front of three most important women in your life. Well, in my case, the three most important women ruined my life and now, I can’t even feel happiness at this point.
Since childhood, I have been vying for my mother’s love and attention. With the birth of my younger brother, all of my mother’s attention got diverted towards him, and it has continued for years. She has blatantly favoured him even though he would often get in trouble and didn’t do well in school. I tried to impress my mother with academic success and a well-paying job, but she says that is what every man should be doing and it is nothing extraordinary.
The injustice makes me really angry but I deviated my attention towards work and life. Life took a turn for better when I found my life partner and happily married her. It was a blissful marriage. She respected me, cared for me and understood me and my dilemmas. Although, there were little disagreements between my mother and my wife, I thought that’s the story of every household and would resolve later. One year later, we were blessed with a son and we were happy parents. But my wife’s behaviour started changing after the son’s birth. I thought it might be post-partum depression or hormonal changes and she will behave normally gradually, but that never happened.
From the moment our son was born, my wife has not shared the full responsibility of parenting with me. She was reluctant to leave me alone with the baby or entrust me with baby chores and it drove me crazy that I was not allowed time to bond with my son. I withdrew a little and she accused me of being busy on mobile/iPad but whenever I gave my opinion, she blatantly ignored it and I kept quiet for the sake of a peaceful household. My mother offered to help in raising the son which was a welcome gesture for me personally, but my wife didn’t trust her to help out and argued that it would ruin her routine and she would like to bring up the child in her own way. The arguments between my mother and wife and our crumbling marriage resulted into divorce.
It was a tough period. I was shattered and broken and I tried to reconcile but my ex-wife was now hell-bent on raising our son on her own and not share him with me. It took me 4 freaking years to make peace with that reality of my life and the Divorce procedures where I was asked to pay a alumni of 12 lac rupees to my wife, apart from being mentally tortured by being blamed of mentally and physically abusing my wife. That was the time when another girl entered my life and I fell in love with her. I took all the care to not repeat my behaviour and mistakes that I committed in the past relationship. I tried to keep her really happy and really went out of my way to bring her all the world’s comfort and happiness and fulfil all her demands. Her word was my command and in return, I only expected her respect and love.
Almost 4 years of relationship made me trust her blindly now and I felt we have a bond that I shared with none other. I gave her all the privacy and space she needed and did not complain about her unavailability, as I thought it was my possessiveness that would lead to a break-up. But little hints and situations started adding up over the time, and I was restless with suspicion. I was guilty but I digged deep in and found out she was in a relationship with 3 other men!
I was just being used and I was blind to this fact for 4 years! I was blind in love and foolish enough to believe her every word! I am heart-broken and shattered once again. I have no strength to love again and I am lonely. I do not dare to seek company with a fear of getting lied and cheated to. I now hold no hope from life, let alone women!