I have always been against marriages. You might be thinking what kind of a moron am I who doesn’t believe in such a sacred bond that’s made in heaven. The fact is that I am not against the sacred bond or togetherness for eternity with your special one but the thing that irritates me is the biasness towards one party when it comes to Indian marriage. Most importantly, the biasness is often towards the bride and her family.
Sorry to say but our customs and traditions regarding marriage is purely based on patriarchy which for me is utter nonsense. Just recently, I watched the latest IPL ad where the whole family excluding the “Bahu” is watching IPL and when somehow the “Bahu” manages to get into the living room where the match is being watched to serve tea with snacks, she is told to go inside by her husband. As she is going, she is called back by her mother-in-law to watch and enjoy the match with the reason that it was because of her that the opposition lost a wicket. In short, she was “allowed” to watch the match as a lucky charm.
Although it was a mere ad, ask yourself if that isn’t the truth in India for most families. On a positive note, many Indian families are getting liberalized and they believe that the “Bahu” is an individual with her own choices, likes and dislikes but the number of such families are very limited.
I would advise all the girls out there who are planning to get married to find the one who loves, respects and above all considers you as a friend rather than just a wife. Trust me when I say that, there are such men in abundance out there who believe in equality and respect among genders.
So, if your man makes these promises, be sure of not letting him go… Marry Him!
- No dowry
Dowry is an evil custom that unfortunately still prevails in the country. Although it is banned and termed illegal as per the Indian law, the demands for dowry have changed into asking favors in the form of essentials for the house such as refrigerator, furniture, car etc. Gold is also given as a tradition to the bride which is nothing but dowry. But a true man would often say no to such favors as he believes that he can very well take care of his family along with his life partner. In addition, he wouldn’t have any issues if his wife is an earner and spends her money for her parents just like he does for his parents. He will try to build an understanding when it comes to money.
- Virgin or Not Virgin. I Don’t Care
Virginity is the most important factor to test a girl’s virtue in India. Most of the grooms in India and their parents demand virgin bride irrespective of the fact that the groom himself may have lost his virginity years ago. A true man doesn’t believe in this shit. He believes in commitment for the future and doesn’t care about the past. Instead of demanding a virgin girl, he may emphasize on getting both tested for any kinds of STDs.
- Shares the overall wedding expenses
The main reason why a girl is often considered as a burden in this country is because of the pressure of huge wedding expenses. Most of the parents start saving for their daughter’s marriage right from the day, she is born. Sometimes, they even compromise on her education and instead use the money for wedding. A true man would offer to share the overall wedding expenses as he believes that wedding begins a partnership and hence it is the responsibility of both to bear the costs.
- Doesn’t believe in showing off
Showing off is an ongoing trend in our society. We often notice that, the “Ladke Wale” demand a lavish wedding to please the Baraati (attendees from groom’s side). It is still a custom or a tradition in India where the “Ladki Wale” must adhere to every demands of “Ladke Wale” as they are considered superior to them and they are doing a great favor marrying their daughter. Irrespective of this custom, a true man wouldn’t demand such favors as he doesn’t believe in such show offs rather he would request for a simple wedding where both the parties can have fun and enjoy the event. He believes in saving the money for a better future to live a comfortable life rather than spending it on an unnecessary lavish wedding to please the society.
- Doesn’t demand to change your surname after marriage
I don’t know how it started but changing the surname of the bride after marriage isn’t an age old custom to be precise yet it prevails in our society. Although it’s an option for the bride whether to change it or not, still as it is termed as a custom, the bride often considers it as her duty to change her identity fully just because she got married. A true man would never ask her wife to change her surname that she carried since her birth; a name that’s printed on her mark sheets, degrees, Passport, Driver’s License etc. For him, it is her choice if she wants to do it or not.
- Respects you
Today, the society has forgotten the fact that a girl makes a great sacrifice by leaving her own house and family in order to move in to a new house with a new family after her marriage. Rather than taking such sacrifice as granted, a true man would often respect his wife for that. Just as he expects respect and love from her towards his family, he also believes that he too owes equal respect and love towards her family. Instead of taking her away from her family, he promises to spend equal time with her parents too. He believes in true equality in marriage.
- Doesn’t support gender roles in a marriage
It is time now that we banish gender roles in a marriage. Since from civilization, it has been a rule that specific roles are allotted to the wife and the husband differently in a marriage. Today, women are getting independent and have an earning of their own as well as help with finances at home. So, it is completely baseless to follow the same gender roles in a marriage that were formed centuries ago. A true man won’t follow gender roles in a marriage. He won’t feel shameful to share household chores with his wife. Instead, he will enjoy working along with his wife and help her with cooking, washing, cleaning and other household chores.
- Doesn’t marry just to have children
There are many who still believe that once you are married, your solo life ends and now it’s time to raise kids. Many couples are getting married just to raise kids or they are forced by their parents to do it. A true man would wish to enjoy the post marriage life before planning any kid. He would wish to share some special moments with his wife before raising kids. For him, marriage is just a bond that ties both of them for eternity. Kids will come into the picture but later on.
- Believes in the importance of friendship in a marriage
According to me, the success of a marriage doesn’t depend on a long lasting relationship but it depends on a relationship that offers love, respect and togetherness. Hence, it is important to develop friendship in a marriage. A true man would want to possess his wife and treat her as his property or a tool to enjoy sex. Instead, he would try to know her and be friends with her. He believes that friendship is the base of a strong marital relationship.
- Doesn’t compare you with anybody else and respects you for who you are
Many Indian men look for a wife who could take care of them as their mothers. They often give remarks on how their mother looked after that family and demand their wife to do the same. On the contrary, a true man wouldn’t care or compare his wife with anybody else. He wouldn’t consider his wife as a household cook or a maid hired to take care of him. He will respect and support his wife for who she is or wants to be.
It may be quite hard to find such men but such men are not extinct yet. Think, assess and choose the best while taking your time as marriage will be, without any doubts, the most important decision of your life. I believe in these promises and I assure you that I am not a unique piece in this country. There are many men out there who believe in equality to the core and would make these promises in a marriage.