As a child I was always eager to know more about sexual activities and love making. While I was in my 9th & 10th standard, I used to discuss much about menstruation and sex. I was least interested in studies and was an average student. My concentration was more on looking good in the class. I used to read the special Q and A section dedicated to adults in local newspapers. I used to share such intimate talks openly with my class mates. Number of times I used to visualize myself of hitting the bed with someone. I was always interested in making more of boys as my friends than girls. My school mates called me the Corrupted Mind Girl! My parents were strict but lenient. I was in 11th Standard when I had my first boyfriend. Our relation was a secretive one and we did not disclose to our best of friends as well. I had experienced my first KISS with my teenage boyfriend when I was in 12th standard. I was always attracted to my boyfriend as he was very good looking. For my boyfriend, it was more of lust and less of love.
No doubt, that I was a fool considering he loved me but he was with me only because he thought he could get into my panties. It was in my college days, in my first year, that I came to know he was unfaithful. I was extremely possessive about him and didn’t wish to share him with anyone else. As time passed, I started having soft corners from my college seniors and other casual buddies with whom I used to hangout. Suddenly I realized that love lost all the charm and life was colorless.
At the same time my body was craving for love-making and I was losing control on myself. Unaware about my depression, I started to smoke weed and consuming alcohol. I am a girl form a typical Gujarati background with Gujarati medium Education but blessed with good looks. At times, I used to feel very complex and degraded when those super-stylish, polished, English medium chic’s used to show off. That was the time I started getting de-motivated. Discouragement, betrayal, inferiority complex transformed me into a real Bad-ass. Most of the time due to weed was into hallucinations, dizziness and stoned to be precise.
I never cared about my image, my body nor my health. Soon with all the stress and craving I was a prey of lust. Kept on hitting the bed with any random guy to whom I was introduced just once and was never serious about getting into a stagnant relationship. Smoking, after parties, boozing and sex were the only things I was indulged into. I was careless and Kept on telling lies to my parents. I used to constantly cheat on my parents to attend the booze parties on the name of education. My parents were paranoid on me.
My parents simply could not digest this lethargic attitude of mine. They stopped me from going to late night parties. They didn’t have the smallest idea about my whereabouts. As I was involved in unsafe sexual practices with multiple partners, I became Pregnant. This was the time for me to spill the beans. I let the cat out of the bag and busted out of tears and guilt in front of my mom. My mom was shocked but took my stand and I went through Abortion. She took the decision because I was just 21 with bad physique would not be able to bare the child. Soon after my abortion I was kept in rehab for my transition. Weed and alcohol addiction at an early age had a negative impact on several areas of my life. Psychologist said I was badly attacked by Anxiety, Depression & Obsessive-compulsive (OCD).
Today, I am under a constant check with a team of professional nurses and Psychologists in a rehab for more than 3 months recovering from trauma. I messed up big time with my life… But I wish, you learn from my experience and take wise-decisions for a beautiful life.