divorce and children

Divorce – How It affects Our Children?

The wedding bells ring with so much of happiness and pomp. Every wedding evolves with time strengthening or weakening the bond, the relationship. When we talk of the contact of two chemical substances, the original form gets transformed to the new one (if at all a reaction takes place). Likewise, when two beings come close to each other and a positive reaction takes place, both of them get transformed. This is the beauty of being into a relationship. You transform for each other, for a better life. But, there are always ifs and buts.

Not all marriages have a happy ending. When something goes wrong, divorce seems to be the only solution. So, where did that transformation go? Or when and how were the limits crossed? And, what is its effect on the family, especially the kids? With splitting comes an enormous responsibility especially when you have a child.

Divorce And Its Effect On Children

The extent to which children are affected by divorce is of a great concern. As a parent, what can you do to promote your child’s well being during such a dramatic phase of your life? There are some of the effects which are commonly found in a child whose parents are divorced.

Divorce and stress goes hand in hand for children. Most children do not want their parents to separate. It can strain the parent-child relationship. It can also bring about financial hardships and can make you lose contact with any one of the parents, which in itself is a huge disturbance. It increases the legal conflicts between the parents. For all these reasons, children have a hard time during divorce transition. The transition phase depends on the calmness and chaos a couple creates. Parents, who manage the stress of divorce without any chaos, always end up having kids who have better understanding.

There is a high risk of psychological and behavioral problems in kids with divorced parents. They develop problems like anger and disobedience which also leads to poor school performance. Children with divorced parents also tend to become sad for a prolonged period of time. Some of them become over-sensitive to issues and go into depression. On the contrary, some kids become over matured for their age and take complete care of their parents instead of them being cared by their parents.

However, it is untrue to say that all children of divorced parents face the psychological and behavioral problems. Some of them are resilient and live like any other kid belonging to a happy family. Though, they still have painful memories and worries about marriage and divorce of their parent’s relationship. But pain and grief are not pathological neither mental disorders. It is not possible for a parent to fully protect their children from divorce and they probably should not try it. Kids are entitled to their feelings.

A quote by Sarah Dessen clicks my mind here –

“But in the real world, you couldn’t really just split a family down the middle, mom on one side, dad the other, with the child equally divided between. It was like when you ripped a piece of paper into two: no matter how you tried, the seams never fit exactly right again. It was what you couldn’t see, those tiniest of pieces that were lost in the severing, and their absence kept everything from being complete.”

Stay together. Stay complete.

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