Mother and Son

Dear Mom, Why Did You Stop Loving Me? – A Married Son!

Enough about the sacrificing daughters and daughter-in-laws, why not the unsung heroes of family, the Sons? Yes, that very “mere chaand ka tukda” “apple of my eye” “maa ka ladla” son, who is spoilt silly by most mothers in the Indian continent (not that we daughters are not spoilt silly by our fathers, but very few understand that after marriage!)

We have already heard stories and read letters from the Daughter-in-laws about how things have changed for them after marriage, what about the sons? Life isn’t easy for them either and to make things worse, they don’t even have a mom’s shoulder to cry on like we do. This letter is an ode to them!

“Dear Mom,

Why did you stop loving me? Just because I married a woman? It was you who wanted me to get married in the first place. And when I did, why this sudden change? I still am the same son. Your Son. The mom who once loved cooking delicacies for me all the time, suddenly feels cooking for my tiffin is a burden? The mom who loved to stay awake late in the night for me to arrive, suddenly feels she’s too sleepy? The mom who would change all her schedules to fit in my time, now suddenly feels her yoga sessions and tv serials are the most important. That very mom who would do anything to bring a smile on my face is not leaving a single chance to hurt me by bringing obstacles in my married life everyday! Why?

I know she is not your daughter, I know you both have issues, I know you don’t think alike, I know you feel threatened by her arrival, I know everything! But let me tell you one thing, nothing has changed. You are still my mother and you will always be. Yes, I have been more caring towards her, but that is because she is my wife, my responsibility. Just like you are Dad’s. I have uprooted her from her world and brought her to mine, this is the time she needs me the most. This is the time she needs my unconditional love and support and yours too!  She too, like me, is spoilt silly by her parents. She is new to this change in her life. She is trying too hard to be a good cook, a great maid, an amazing listener, a nurse, a lovable companion, a disciplined bahu and a lot many things all at once. I do not expect you to love her like you love me. I know however much we call a daughter-in-law a daughter, things do not change. I do not expect you give her as much importance you give to me, I too know blood is thicker than water. All I expect you to do is, to Understand.

Understand that her life is now intertwined with mine. Her happiness is mine and vice-versa. I can’t be happy if she is hurt on being taunted about her parents on the drop of the hat or desperate to meet her parents whom she loves so dearly. I can’t be happy if she is given the second hand treatment in my very home, the place that I once ruled. I can’t be happy if suddenly I have to start taking permissions for things I used to call my own, just because my wife is now with me. Yes that TV, Fridge, Computer, Car, furniture is suddenly “Not Mine” I suddenly have started feeling like a “stranger” in my very own home! My parents whom I love dearly have suddenly started making me feel like a homeless or better say, paying guest. Pay for the rent, pay for the things you use, pay for the bills, pay for us too. Let me tell you, I do not mind paying, I do not mind at all for my dear parents. But what I mind is this second hand treatment from you. The feeling of having lost the most important people in my life just because I decided to get married like every sane person in the world does.

You say I have changed. Tell me, how am I supposed to react when I come to know that she is lied to, cheated upon or being manipulated in my name for things you want to get done from her. (You should be aware that we are husband and wife and she will know what I have said and what I have not) It doesn’t make her more submissive towards you, on the contrary it’s making you seem a cheating and conniving person, which I know you are not. You are my dear mother whom I have worshiped all my life. I am broken, hurt and angry and the worst part is that the only person I have always looked forward to, in such situations is the very reason of this state. Whom should I seek solace from? Do you realize dear mom, that in a bid to teach your daughter-in-law a lesson, you have lost your most beloved son? That too for what? Just because the society thought you were not controlling or dominating your bahu? Who is more important to you, Me Or Them? I am still here mom, waiting for you to come back to me. Waiting for your unconditional support and love with all my flaws (including my wife, if you consider her as one of my flaw), for you to call me all yours.

Yours One and Only,
Son (A Married One!)

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